If I haven't logged in to delay this update, it should be posted one month after I last logged in, at 12:00PM midday whatever the hell the blogger time is. I'm at least effectively dead, since even Taken I should retain the mental facilities and imprinted patterns necessary to continue performing habitual actions. Please note that this should not be considered proof in any way, shape or form that I am either alive or dead. All this means is I can't get to the computer, which might just mean that's impossible.
And I think I can guess why.
There's only so much room in the story, you see, and we're running out. I had my chance so long ago around the solstice - there's a clear spike when compared to my current views - but I've sadly regulated our story to the smallest of niches through my own failings. But that's okay, because there's more room here, where everything I do is of little consequence. I can work with niches, maybe even spin this into some sort of illustrative warning for the Hero That Shall Come. I mean, there's not exactly a lot of people involved, so I think I can spin the factlessness into something useful, you know? Provided our friends don't interfere. She has such beautiful hair. Ben was right. It's always the hair.
Not that the Hero will come. Robert fucked whatever chance we had with the titles long ago. Actually, that's not particularly fair. All the twelve year old special snowflake gamers fucked whatever chance we had in the titles. For what they did, I hope they've fallen from that special breed of half-Blindness where you know Him but He does not deign to know you, right into Heresy alongside us all. I hope He has them on the Tree, waiting for me with all their dreams coming true.
I should've known. Really, I should've. I've seen the light enough times in their eyes that it should have been obvious. And all I thought He was capable of was raw terror and hate and confusion and pain. I had no idea.
I trusted your plans too much. Tried to make myself part of everything else, or at least let everything else make me a part of it. I never realized I hated the core theory, though. It made Hoso into the Minstrel, turned Zero into a homicidal maniac. It tore apart space and time so she could kill herself in a sick mockery of the death each Touched dies every day. I loved that music, and perhaps if she'd been less popular she might've faded into obscurity, been overlooked by Him. All she was would've remained untainted. Built him up and tore him down, rendered all his work into nothing and drove him to the edge of madness. But not only that - the core theory's poison is everywhere. What grew from what Robert made destroyed even him, and he was perhaps the best chance we had, the architect of it all. The idea was there, but here's the catch - the idea was too appealing, too deeply true for only the greatest of us to pick up. And once the idiots had it too, it all turned to shit. It destroyed so many lives what all of you did, and I'll see each one of you pay in time.
That's not me talking. Ignore that. That's a lie. That's someone else bleeding through from somewhere else, turning left while I turn right. There's only enough room in this story for one protagonist, and it's obvious forcing Ben to share is going to get us both killed. I should've expanded the cast. Told you about James and his vestments, about Sidekick's favorite foods, about Cain and Abel (they're nicknames, not what they actually call themselves.) I could've made enough room to stay if I'd brought in some more villains, fleshed them out and made it ambiguous. Hell, I might've even been able to spin myself a position as the older, wiser brother who teaches the hero what he needs to know.
But there isn't room, and I'm the younger twin regardless.
You can see where He has me. All this hate was never good to carry. But I've had it for so long, watching so many fail, watching so many come to my care and die alone, marooned on an island of insanity in a sea of the insane. We were all worth so much more, and perhaps if you'd all been better characters then you wouldn't have needed to be (Conduits) and (Cartographers) and (Oracles) and (Demons) and fucking (Heralds). I mean, what the hell is a Herald supposed to do? Announce the fucking (Sages) as they arrive wherever they're going? Bully for fucking Nessa. She was a good kid and she didn't deserve what the core theory did to her, not one bit. None of us did.
I feel sorry for Zero, and all the people he's killed, all the people he's going to kill. Mostly because the same thing's happening to me but also because he just got a really shit deal, even if it is better than, say, Jekyll. You try to take a hold of something good, some small chance, and you get lost in it. The story is all He needs, but the story needs a Dragon, just like every other one. Though that's not the worst part. The worst part is he almost made it back out but for that little detail about building a weapon out of the bones of the Touched. Then there's Amelia. Poor girl. If Zero hadn't been so far gone to have killed her, then perhaps the entire story might've changed. There's nothing like a love interest to keep the guy with a sword alive until the end. Speaking of love interests, The New Girl gave me an idea with all that writhing on the floor screaming God's name in pleasure. Because there are Gods, half forgotten and rotting, and some of them sit upon thrones not unlike His, and deal in stories told that cross paths with ours. At present, it's my only chance.
I never noticed it wasn't pain that was making her scream like that, the sick bitch. God is Ben going to have a field day if he ever sees this. There's so much more I'd like to say but it's all coming out on top of each other and I can hear the music now, so I don't have much time. I never knew He could be so beautiful, not in a million years.
It's Ben's only chance.
The core theory, Redlight, The revenants, everything that's passed and everything that's yet to pass will forever taint the work we do, or the work you try so desperately to do and the work I so foolishly did. It's something we'll have to live with - the stain of this failed attempt, that cunning deception. Hell, the core theory took so much there's barely any room left, and fading into obscurity for all of us is absolutely no soluti nt to sleep before and He will be content to sleep again if all this fades. Sleep and wait until the time comes to strike anew on a world that has forgotten Him for the most part yet again.
on. He was conte
Look, I did what I had to do, and I can't explain it because that would invalidate what I did. n be won. I've done the math, okay? I know what I'm doing.You know I'm smart enough to get myself killed and end up winning all of this, in as much as all of this ca
Just, just don't fret, Benji. It's okayl. I'm perfectly fine, though I will concede to the fact of a little time pressure and a whole lot of dnager. so that you may live. There's only one cha I might be able to ke nce, only one other Tree to hang from, and if the parts of me He can't get to survive the nine days then ep enough of myself to get you out of this forever once I've hung from His and He's taken what he can.
Don't do anything r you, and I will not see stupid. I'm doing this fo you waste it.
I love you, man.