Ben's an insy whinsy bit of a fool, and he's apparently incapable of listenning either. And I know I'm not supposed to be typing because it's bad for my stitches and healing in general, but I'm too drunk for it to hurt so it's aokay.

And so, without further adeu, I bring you the unmolested rendition of the last three halves of my newest piece of work, inspired by this increasingly shit situatiuon we find ourselves in:


Minstrel's cut her own face off
The Jester's noose draws tight
Old Zerosage returns from death
To stalk us in the night

And who the fuck is nocturne, eh?
And what the fuck's his game?
Through Reach the Boss has trolled us all
Consequences never be the same

Robert might'bve been the chance
But we all know how that ends
So let's just watch him find His name
So we can all get fucked again!

Oh poetry, oh noetry
Shout bingo, wont you dear!?
For while we drink and while I sign
Old He "that is" draws near

Oh yes, He comes to screw my plans
My theories effing A
And if it keeps right at this rate
I give myself a day!

And I can't give yo uthe rest of it because it doesn't count as forshadowing if you don't get the proportions right or just plain spell it out either, and my plan's not going to work unless i can get the story perfect and perfect stories don't spell shit out first they foreshadow. It has to fit, and that is too damned hard to do, I'll have you know. Too damned hard. I've had to cut back sooooooooooooooo much and now it's like the contingency to the contingency to the contingency to the backup plan's backup plan.

And yoiu know why? It's not your fault or anything, but there's not enough room with everybody else crowding about, and all the heroics get watered down and instead of Zeke Stramn getting enough sapce to save us all he end up getting relegated Mystic instead and instead of the dearest Sage fo Nothing sacrificing himself to end it all, we all work enough magic with our heads to make the whole thing piontless because you won't give him enough room to work with. Hell, if they can't do it, fricken pillars of awesomethat they are then I sure as hell won't be able to beat Him, will I? So contingency F-7 and a half or something. That one might work. There's room enough for half a plan.

And I just have to say sorry to past me for skipping out on your promise and posting up something that could possible be misconstrued as poetry if you squint and ignore the fact it's a drinking song. It's how drunk me rolls, and anyway I have a better plan than you so stuff it we're running with it!

Worst. 24. Hours. Ever.

I am going to kill James one day. He got me up at seven o'clock yesterday morning. Seven. I went to bed at three and he gets me up at seven so we can go chase after some two-bit Heretic who had gotten more than enough sleep for the night and didn't feel like his insides were desperately trying to become his outsides.

Needless to say, we didn't catch him right away because I started to get dizzy spells after about twenty seconds of running and then threw up, which surprisingly made me feel a whole lot better and really, really hungry. I've never been the greatest runner anyway, and the two empty bottles of vodka back at what passes for home base at the moment certainly weren't helping matters. Sidekick, of course, was charging through his hangover like a boss (the guy also drank me under the table last night, which is just so incredibly unfair) and saw fit to ignore both James and I when we told him to stop. I did so through/in between vomiting, so I guess it's possible he misheard me, but James was perfectly alright when he was saying it, if a little pissed off.

So once I was able to move and James had finished screaming at me about how much he'd like to kill me and how much trouble I was, being unfit for His touch and thus incapable of acting as I should, we set out to find Sidekick. James got that 'I know which way to go how scary am I?' look, and marched off to the train station, from where we caught a train. Luckily, there was time enough between trains to go get some food and some breath mints, because man was I hungry.

And, um, next comes the part you won't enjoy, because we found Sidekick, and Sidekick had obviously found the runner, because he had the look that Touched get when they've been around Him quite recently, and the runner was nowhere to be found.

But that of course is not the worst part, because what started all of this was my brother getting back from Europe. I may or may not have had a plan to stab Sidekick in the neck and James in the stomach all within perhaps five seconds of time while Sidekick was asleep so that I could go pick him up and get the hell out of dodge, but of course there's a faceless monstrosity that apparently has access to all of my thoughts, because He was there before I could even fold out my knife, and He was angry.

He knew. I haven't told anybody - I didn't even tell you guys I was planning on killing them and running as soon as my brother got back - and He knew.

So now I don't know If James was just being the usual lunatic when he kept dropping those hints, and I feel like there's something skittering around in the back of my head watching everything I do and I can't get the image of Him and all those branches eating the sky out of my head and I feel like I need to throw up again.

But I'm okay, I guess. For now. My brother's back home, at least, so I guess there'll probably be more emails from here on in and I guess if by some miracle I'm able to avoid the boss stepping in whenever I try to quit then at least he's a little closer. So um, yeah, that's pretty much it.

I kinda wish I had it in me to write that all up so it was better and more entertaining to read. I swear there must be something wrong with me.

Hehehehe

He came and ym head hurts. But I'm not crazy just drunk because that's how I deal with Him once he's all gone. DO you know I don't have to type him all capitals,  but sometimes I'm scared so I try to show respect and my head doesn't hurt as much. Bet you all think I',m crazy but I'm not. Just drunk. Hehehehe big joke what If I'm Touched and I'm just pretending to be sane did ytou think of that. ALL A Joke. OI bought Fable III a while back and it's good, so I really hope they don't cut the power out because I have nothing else to do during the day when I can't sleep.

Did you know Hehehehe corrects to Scheherazade, as the first option. I have no idea what Scheherazade means. I googled it and she was a Persian queen. The persian king was a total player marrying a new virgin everyday and then killing her but she tricked him by telling stories to her sister which he would overhear and then she'd not finish them before dawn, so the king would wait until the next day to kill her so he could hear the end of the story. After a thousand stories she ran out but he'd fallen in love with her, so he let her live. That story gets a happy ending, but mine never will. One day I'll wake up dead in a ditch because HE'S angry with me or just get stabbed by some jerk Heretic.

I was sure someone would accuse me fo being a lier, but all I get is polite thanks from my new buddy Mar and all these messages from Seeker. I get enough of that at work, buddy, so knock it off. You guys are awesome. It's like I only need two people to get a whole crosssection of the Slenderblogs. Everyone being nice and talking in code. Now all I need is somebody to be angry at me for doing something wrong and then we've got the trifecta.

He dopesn't care I'm writing a blog but If I say something He doesn't want you all to know then I'll get impaled or worse. I laughed so loud when I read that, Mar, you're a funny dude. Impaled or wors.e I've hung from His tree for days for my insolence and you're all 'impaled or worse'. HEhehe. You don't even know what that means, because most fo you probably don't even see him. He pays me visits once a week or once a month somewhere like that and I can deal with it. It took me so long to write week. I wrote weel like sixteen times, and I saw that thread on 4chan so I had to get it right before you all posted images making fun of me.

The girl behind the counter looks bored, and she looks like she knows I'm drunk. Maybe I'll offer her some of my Vodka and see where it leads. GOd knows I've spent enough nights alone. Next time wben I 'm sober I'll explain why that might chagne but isn't going to. He dropped off a redhead nad I like redheads and she's about my age so maybe you never know. In case you didn't notice I'm a coward when He's around and just in general, soi like I'm going to ask her out. What would I say? Hey, you want to go see a movie inbetween killing Heretics and mumbling inchorently about how HE SEES YOU?

Not fucking likely. I'm getting an appraising look from the MCcafe chick, like she wishes she could get durnk from me. I'm gonna go now. She kinda looks like a guy I dated once or maybe like his sister would look like, since she's a girl, so maybe I can try the same lines and itll be like Dejavu.