Monday, January 24, 2011

Worst. 24. Hours. Ever.

I am going to kill James one day. He got me up at seven o'clock yesterday morning. Seven. I went to bed at three and he gets me up at seven so we can go chase after some two-bit Heretic who had gotten more than enough sleep for the night and didn't feel like his insides were desperately trying to become his outsides.

Needless to say, we didn't catch him right away because I started to get dizzy spells after about twenty seconds of running and then threw up, which surprisingly made me feel a whole lot better and really, really hungry. I've never been the greatest runner anyway, and the two empty bottles of vodka back at what passes for home base at the moment certainly weren't helping matters. Sidekick, of course, was charging through his hangover like a boss (the guy also drank me under the table last night, which is just so incredibly unfair) and saw fit to ignore both James and I when we told him to stop. I did so through/in between vomiting, so I guess it's possible he misheard me, but James was perfectly alright when he was saying it, if a little pissed off.

So once I was able to move and James had finished screaming at me about how much he'd like to kill me and how much trouble I was, being unfit for His touch and thus incapable of acting as I should, we set out to find Sidekick. James got that 'I know which way to go how scary am I?' look, and marched off to the train station, from where we caught a train. Luckily, there was time enough between trains to go get some food and some breath mints, because man was I hungry.

And, um, next comes the part you won't enjoy, because we found Sidekick, and Sidekick had obviously found the runner, because he had the look that Touched get when they've been around Him quite recently, and the runner was nowhere to be found.

But that of course is not the worst part, because what started all of this was my brother getting back from Europe. I may or may not have had a plan to stab Sidekick in the neck and James in the stomach all within perhaps five seconds of time while Sidekick was asleep so that I could go pick him up and get the hell out of dodge, but of course there's a faceless monstrosity that apparently has access to all of my thoughts, because He was there before I could even fold out my knife, and He was angry.

He knew. I haven't told anybody - I didn't even tell you guys I was planning on killing them and running as soon as my brother got back - and He knew.

So now I don't know If James was just being the usual lunatic when he kept dropping those hints, and I feel like there's something skittering around in the back of my head watching everything I do and I can't get the image of Him and all those branches eating the sky out of my head and I feel like I need to throw up again.

But I'm okay, I guess. For now. My brother's back home, at least, so I guess there'll probably be more emails from here on in and I guess if by some miracle I'm able to avoid the boss stepping in whenever I try to quit then at least he's a little closer. So um, yeah, that's pretty much it.

I kinda wish I had it in me to write that all up so it was better and more entertaining to read. I swear there must be something wrong with me.


  1. Thank God your brother's back, now. He hasn't reported any more odd happenings, right? That's a relief. Be sure to tell us when he writes again.

    I'm really sorry about how your escape attempt wound up. Here we are telling you to get away from this shit, and THAT happens. He didn't hurt you, did he?

    Hell, I'm surprised you were able to write it out at all, Andrew, considering how traumatic that was and the possibility of nosebleeds/headaches from hell. The last thing you should be doing is beating yourself up over how 'entertaining' it is.

    Stay safe and sane. Your brother's back, and you have friends here.

  2. Just started reading this blog.

    Stay safe, man.

    And I would never have advised running, since it never ends well. Ever.

  3. @Mar - Well, yeah, my nose was pissing blood like you wouldn't believe when He showed up and it felt more or less like my head had exploded, but it all tends to taper off pretty quickly once He disappears. And I was typing at about a mile a minute when I wrote it. I think M's right about blogging being a more constructive form of the notebooks.

    @Wolf - Thanks, I guess. Nor does staying in one place, though, and it's not like this job has a retirement plan built into it.

  4. Gah, Andrew... Sometimes I just want to suddenly show up, tackle Him outta the way with a pikachu plushie and kidnap you to carry you to freedom.
    And by sometimes I mean that I'd simply like to do it another way the other times...

  5. Ha! (I almost wrote lol, and then I would've had to kill myself). I may <3 that comment just a little bit.